Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Wandering Back to The Middle.

Life is strange. One minute you’re certain of things, you have a good idea of what’s going on and where you’re going; the next, you’re baffled, confused, unsure of yourself, and utterly despondent. Within a heartbeat it can all change yet again. That is how I find my life these last few days.

It is said that every twenty seven years Saturn makes its return to the exact same place in the universe where it was at the moment of your birth. It is further said that while Saturn is neither malevolent nor benevolent, it IS very demanding. This is supposedly why we lose so many people in their twenty-seventh year. If that is true, then it stands to reason that in another twenty seven years, during a person’s fifty-fourth year, the same thing would occur. So it has been with me this year.

I had thought that doing as Saturn does and returning to the exact same place in the Universe where I had been the moment of my birth would give me some peace; that I could still the restlessness within and conclude my life without turmoil. For a while it seemed to be so, but as 2009 ended and we entered 2010, and I entered the second half of my “Saturn return,” I find myself once again unable to still my monkey mind.

As most of you already know, I made the return to my origins in August, and began working in September.

As Christmas approached, I began making plans to go to Cape Breton where I still have a home and a very active relationship. During the very short time I was there, it surprised me just how easily I slipped back into the daily cycle of living. Many friends came by to visit, and I was more at peace than I had been in a long while.

When I returned to Fredericton to begin a new week of work, it felt as if the Universe was giving me very clear messages that this was not the life I should be living. Once I had reached the Cobequid toll station, I began to encounter inclement weather; the further west I drove, the worse it got. By the time I had reached my apartment in Fredericton, there was nearly a foot (30 cm) of snow on the ground. Driving was treacherous, and by the time I had dropped the rental car off, many of the taxi companies had pulled their cars off the road.

The following day, I took my used car to the bank, the Mall, and then stopped to gas up. It didn’t start again. That to me was the final straw.

In discussion with my employer, it was concluded that I could do much of my work from home; home being anywhere I could connect to the internet. There would be a reduction in hours of course, and consequently a reduction in pay, but I could still accomplish my objectives and continue to contribute to the company in a positive manner.

And so with that, I have chosen to return to Cape Breton, to my home and relationship. I will have my back yard which I have put a lot of work into over the years. I’ll have the cycling club to ride with again, my familiar hiking trails and the beach down the road for doing Tai Chi.

My departure date is set for January 14. Since I hadn’t signed a lease, leaving my apartment was no problem. In fact, I have established a very good relationship with my landlord, he being a former drummer too.

I will miss my hometown, the place of my birth. My spirit rests easily here and there is tranquility in the fields and forests, but my time to return is not yet. I had thought I was bringing my life full circle, but it seems there is still more middle to accomplish before the circle can be completed.

To all my friends in Fredericton and surrounding area, I’ll miss you and I’ll try to get back to visit as often as possible.

To all my friends in Cape Breton, I’ll see you soon.

~Still Wandering.

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